How to Talk to Your Partner about Sex and Open Up About Your Desires

July 06, 2019

Talk to Your Partner about Sex and Open Up About Your Desires


Intimacy in sex is important, especially if you want to get to having absolutely toe-curling sex. Surprisingly, not all partners enjoy talking about sex. For a lot of people, it’s really awkward trying to communicate your needs and then to hear what you might not be doing so great in bed. Despite the awkwardness and the vulnerability you have to subject yourself to, talking about sex with your partner is unavoidable if you want better sex.


Focus on your own pleasure.


Instead of focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, take the time to delve into your own pleasure. By focusing on yourself, it’s easy for your partner to hear what they need to do to get you to where you need to be. Be clear in explaining what gives you an orgasm. Take ownership of your sexual identity and what turns you on. No one’s a mind-reader. Always be open and organized, and direct, with your thoughts.


You’ll be happier afterwards.


When you talk sex with your partner and you’re open about your desires, you’ll be happier in the long run. Share your likes, dislikes, and expectations. Learn how to please each other. Bad communication about sex only happens when you’re complaining about your partner’s performance. Complaints like this don’t get you anywhere healthy. You don’t want to threaten their comfort level or make them feel uncomfortable.


Don’t wait to talk.


If there’s a problem that needs to be talked about, don’t wait. The longer you do, the more difficult it’ll be to bring up. If there’s an issue with contraception, consent, or boundaries, it’s best to immediately address it. When it comes time to get to the fun stuff, like sharing fantasies, don’t overwhelm your partner. Take it slow, start with some tame stuff, and build that trust with them. Keep in mind they’re going to come at you with their own fantasies so respond fairly.


Sexual fantasies.


Did you know only roughly 50% of us have explored our sex fantasies with our partner – it’s true. It’s actually really sad that more couples don’t delve into their sexual interests and fantasies. Studies have shown that more than 97 percent of all fantasies are either related to multi-partner sex, rough sex, novelty and adventure, voyeurism, fetishes, non-monogamous sex, or gender fluidity. What you’ll find talking about your fantasies with your partner is that it’s probably more normalized than you think.


Pick your time to talk.


Talking about sex immediately after you’ve had it or just before is a bad idea. In the heat of the moment, you’re both vulnerable and any person in this situation wants to be cared for. To talk about sex, pick a time where things aren’t rushed and where you can both come to it from a healthy place with your full attention.


Ask questions.


The last thing we want to mention about talking sex is to not be afraid to ask questions, especially if you genuinely need clarification about something said. If your partner’s explaining a sexual fantasy to you, ask them to expand on it and advise on what they need from you. They’ll appreciate the interest and hopefully, they’ll pay you the same mind.


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