What Can I Do if my Husband is Terrible in Bed, Please Help!

April 01, 2019

Terrible in Bed, Please Help


‘My husband is terrible in bed.’ ‘I don’t know how to tell him but he’s got no passion in his sex game.’ ‘He won’t let me buy a vibrator to use during sex.’ ‘My partner’s great in every way except he’s crap in bed!’


Couples run into these types of issues all the time. Sometimes, it might be a wife faking an orgasm to get around having to confront her husband about his lacklustre performance. At other times, it might be a gay couple with one partner having a different sexual appetite than the other. Not always men either, there are plenty of women and people of all genders who are just not getting it done for their partners in the bedroom. And, maybe what’s worse – they don’t even know how bad they are!


If your husband or boyfriend is terrible in bed, it doesn’t make any sense to go talking about it online or talking about it with friends. Instead, talk to him. Speak directly but not insulting. Let’s face it, no one wants to hear they’re crap in bed. Most people like to think of themselves as amazing sexual partners – at least, on a good day. The best way to hear that we’re not great at sex is when it’s phrased with the emphasis not on the problem but on the solution.


For example, suggesting you want to try a new position, a sex toy, or have a new sexual experience might be one way to approach it. You may also want to be frank with your partner and just let them know you need more than what you’re getting and differently than how you’re getting it so let’s work on it!


The absolute wrong way to approach a bad sexual partner – and unfortunately, the way most women approach it – is to start faking orgasms and accept bad sex. Before long, you’ll be at your wit’s end not knowing what to do or how to satisfy yourself. Now, let’s be honest. If you tell your partner they’re bad at sex and they need to change what they’re doing, they could react negatively. Some partners feel uncomfortable with trying new techniques, feel inadequate accepting sex toys or vibrators in the bedroom, or they won’t follow through on what you’re telling them you need to orgasm. So, depending on the reaction, it could be a long journey to good sex. Even so, it’s well worth having the conversation.


With the busyness of life, it’s easy to settle into a pattern – particularly for men. Life can get boring and repetitive real fast, having to oversee the household and take care of whatever responsibilities are assigned to the partner. If you’re trying to talk to your husband or boyfriend, and they’re not open enough to switch things up, here’s a few things you can try.


  • Stop faking your orgasm. Don’t pander to him. If you haven’t had a fulfilling experience, you need to show him. Don’t be mean about it. You don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt but continuing to fake it will only lead to more work down the line.


  • Continue to have conversations about sex and try to find examples to show him, either in movies, TV shows, or elsewhere. If your husband or partner sees others experimenting and/or how others are handling the issue, he may feel more comfortable trying some things.


  • Consider saying no to sex every now and again, stating plainly you don’t want to put in the work if you’re not getting a lot out of it. Don’t withhold or make it seem like that. Communicate though that you’re not interested in doing it if you’re not going to have an orgasm.